Sometimes it does this
That happens, sometimes. Especially this time of year, autumn, the autumn skies in Ireland keep catching me. It's when they're silver. When there's these sheets of high silver cirrus over the blue, with white and lead cumulus drifting beneath them, like cloud ships sailing on a shining, silver sea. The sun high behind the silver, making the whole sky glow, wide and vast and white-gold. It caught me on the way home, because one of the cumulus ships had drifted across the sun and was shining a deep blue at its heart, with pearlescent rainbows feathering its edges from the light caught there. I was actually caught stupid, crouched down on the footpath with my shopping bag at my feet, smiling stupidly up at it. Cloud-ships on a silver sea. They make me feel like there's something unfurling in my chest, uncoiling open from a fist to a palm, tugging me up and out into the bright, endless wheel. They make me feel ... huge and open and clear as glass, chiming faintly with the turning of the world. Like a glass bell hung from the sky with the sun in my chest. They make me feel big and bright, like there's nothing in the world that's not beautiful. I love it. I love them. Those skies always catch me. They make me feel so alive.
Sometimes the world is too beautiful to bear, do you think? I end up crouched on the ground, staring out at it in wide, stupid joy. I ought not to, probably. It just ... it just catches me sometimes? It just grabs me, right around the chest, and tugs me open. I don't know what to do with it.
I would live in the sky. I would dream dreams of cloud ships and cloud cities and endless falls upwards into a molten, shining silver. I would dream of being bright and clear as a glass bell, dream of sunshine in my chest and this white, open joy in my head. I would live forever like that. I would be a silver autumn sun, if only the world would let me.
*shakes head* I ... It's so intense, sometimes? I don't know if you're meant to feel like this just randomly. This open thing in your chest that almost hurts with how much it ... with how much it feels. Loves, maybe. I don't know. It's so intense.
The sky catches me sometimes. I don't know? But my, my, me and mine. It's beautiful. It's so beautiful sometimes. Yes? I think so. I don't think I can help it. *smiles crookedly*